


When the lights burn out

by temporali



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hallucinations, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-29 21:37:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19838986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/temporali/pseuds/temporali
Summary: It's hard loving someone in this world.To lay beside someone when they're asleep, listening to their breaths and combing your fingers through their hair and promising yourself to never let anything bad happen to them. When you're sleepless throughout the night because your head is stuck in the thought of all the horrible things that can happen to them. It can make you go insane.





	When the lights burn out

_Darkness._

_It's dark and damp and it smells like rotten flesh. Jensen's wrapped his arms around his head, with his bony kneecaps pressed against his closed eyes. He's so very still. Tries to hold his breath to keep the sickening smell from entering his lungs. It's almost entirely quiet, asides from the barely-there sounds from the insects. So many insects. Spiders and cockroaches. Termites and caterpillars. Someone's heavy footsteps can be heard from outside the thick basement walls. Jensen unintentionally flinches at every step until they stop. Someone's quaking the door. He's trembling, but he has nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide._

Jensen woke up with a jerk. In his bed, of course. Not in a cramped basement. In Jensen's heart he knew it was a dream, but that didn't keep the panic from crawling in under his skin. He sat up in the bed. The white, soft sheets were soaked with sweat and clang onto his back when he stood to go into the bathroom. Jensen had to blink a few times to get used to the brightness of the bathroom lights, and let his gaze linger at his reflection in the mirror. He was pale and his face was glistening with sweat. When Jensen studied his reflection even closer he could spot small swells under the skin of his chest. Small swells that were, in fact, moving and pulling under the skin. Jensen felt his breath pick up it's pace again, as he was tracing the skin with his fingertips. Get out. _Get out!_ The strokes became scratches and before he knew it, he was clawing frenetic at the skin of his chest. 

Suddenly, a warm body surrounded him from the back, grabbed his wrists gently but firm and pulled them apart. Jensen squeezed his eyes closed and tried to free himself, he weren't done yet. The bugs were still crawling out of his skin and he needed to get them _out._ But it didn't take long until he settled down against the embrace, he's knees almost giving out. But the body behind him were steady and strong, and soothing words are whispered into the shell of his ear. Jensen forced his frenzy breathing to deep and calm breaths to ease the panic from his body. " _Shh, it's okay Jensen. Calm down. I got you. You're okay,"_ were some of the words his brain registered, and Jensen got lost in the feeling of endless safety Jared presence brought him. Jensen's eyes were unfocused as they opened, and the first thing he saw when he was looking in the mirror was the gash on his chest that were leaking out a few drops of blood. It wasn't deep, not at all. But Jensen thought it looked like a fuse, burning on it's way to his heart, and he couldn't help but wonder how long it had left. 

"I'm sorry, I was in the other room. I didn't hear you wake up. Are you okay?" Jared's eyes met his own in the mirror. Jensen swallowed.

"I- There was-" His raspy voice didn't want to co-operate, but Jared seemed to understand anyways. He nodded, wearing that concerned frown on his face which Jensen seemed to put on his face more often than not these days.

"Do you wan't to go back to bed?" Jared asked instead. He let his fingertips hover over Jensen's wound. "I don't think we'll have to tend to this."

"Will you come with me?" Jensen almost whispered.

"Yeah, of course-"

"No, I mean-" He took a deep breath and turned around in Jared's arms, so that they were facing each other. "Will you come with me to the trial?"

Jared paused, but then gave him an reassuring smile. "If you want me there, I'll be there." Jensen tried to smile back, but it ended up looking like some kind of grimace.

"Now, bed?" 

\----

It's hard loving someone in this world.

To lay beside someone when they're asleep, listening to their breaths and combing your fingers through their hair and promising yourself to never let anything bad happen to them. When you're sleepless throughout the night because your head has been stuck in the thought of all the horrible things that can happen to them. It can make you go insane.

How many times hadn't Jared lain like that? With Jensen asleep beside him, his face buried in Jensen's soft hair, shattering on the inside because of the things Jensen's been through, of the things that still could await him. All the future situations he could serve as a victim in, and the situations he'd already suffered through.

Even after what feels like an eternal night, the sun finally rose. The whole night Jared barely moved, not since he got Jensen back to sleep around midnight. The sight that greeted him when he entered the bathroom to find Jensen clawing at his own body wouldn't leave his retina. Yet Jared knew it could have been worse - have, in fact - been worse. Ever since Jensen was informed they'd caught the man who stole his childhood, he hadn't had many peaceful nights. 

When Jensen started to stir against Jared's body, Jared woke up from the fog of his own thoughts. Semi-awake, Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared's torso and pulled him closer. Jared couldn't stop a smile from spreading on his lips. He took in the sight of the morning sun casting shadows on Jensens resting form. It was a sight Jared never would grow tired of.

"Are you staring at me?" Jensen mumbled without opening his eyes. 

"Just admiring the view, 's all."

That made Jensen crack a smile, and he opened his eyes to meet Jared's. "Creep."

While the night's may not be Jared's favorite part of the day, mornings certainly was. The mornings with Jensen were heavenly and pure. It was a time to revel in love and gather strength, then come whatever.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know. It's literally 3am and my inspiration is extremely limited, so when it comes I just take it and run with it. I don't have a beta and my main language isn't English so I apologize for eventual errors, and please feel free to let me know in the comments so I can fix them! Kudos and comments are highly appreciated <3


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